A Reflection by Andy Johnson 

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A topic I’ve been investigating within myself lately is my relationship and ties to human time. Human time meaning the  concept of time that we have created for ourselves and by which we measure the duration of events or tasks — a life, a  dryer cycle, our work days, a birthday, a tanning session, a meeting. Since beginning my Saturn Return, I’ve truly begun to  notice the ways in which my life has unfolded in rather bizarre but still calculated ways. Life events have forced me to begin  the work of truly sitting with myself, for myself, and by myself. To interrogate and raise the consciousness of all the dark  corners in my mind. To retrace the steps of my life and repair the moments that have lingered within my subconscious. My  ultimate goal was and still is to envision and imagine a space for myself in which time no longer measures a life, or more  specifically my life, and how that in some way, or many ways, could be my ticket to a more conscious life force.

 

After beginning the work in my early Saturn Return, which included reading works by Eckhart Tolle, Bessel Van Der Kolk,  Alexandra Elle, Brianna Wiest, and other self-help writers, something that had since remained hidden within my view of the  world had suddenly appeared. Time. The memories that we replay and relive in our minds are simply an illusion. A present  moment that no longer exists in our reality, or where we are right this moment. The hopeful thoughts of where we will be in  one year, three years, or a decade, are present moments that have yet to arrive. This binary is unpacked quite directly by  Tolle in ​The Power of Now​ . It is the moments in which we are stuck in a repeating cycle of past thoughts or memories or  hyper focused on shaping our future reality that we lose and disconnect from the now, which in turn is where we discover  our discomfort for our lives, our bodies, our achievements. Where we discover fear, anxiety, and pain. Where we feel a  deep seeded sense of unhappiness with who we are or who we have become. They are directly correlated with our refusal  to accept what is now. To feel and sense what is in our bodies right now. To be so deeply present with ourselves that what  we did or said in the past is a layer of ourselves that we can shed, forgive, and move on from. That the anxiety of who we  will become no longer plays a role in our ability to be present in the now because we trust and honor our present self. 

 

This moment has prioritized listening. Listening to nature, to the Earth, to the energy between objects, between bodies, to  the energy that is felt inside oneself. Trusting that the energy inside of us, the same material and energy that exists in the  cosmos, is our greatest teacher. For my greatest belief is that if I am in deep alignment with the energy that exists inside of  me, then I will never fear what I know to be right for myself and those around me.